


Hold Me Close When It's Over

by agentlukaofshield (lukadarkwater)



Category: Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. (TV)
Genre: Canon Compliant, F/M, I'm also tired of them not talking about their issues so I blended those two things together, I'm so salty that we didn't get to see Jemma's reaction to this, Post 3x14, jemma actually talking about her feelings?? too ooc
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-03-31
Updated: 2016-03-31
Packaged: 2018-05-30 05:44:52
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,085
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6411139
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lukadarkwater/pseuds/agentlukaofshield
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>“Fitz,” she said, her voice instantly transforming into what Fitz had mentally dubbed her Dr. Jemma Simmons voice “What is that?”</p>
<p>He reached up and tried to cover it, but he knew it was useless now that she had seen it. “Nothing, Jemma, it’s nothing.”</p>
<p>Jemma didn’t respond, just pulled out the chair from the desk and said “Sit”</p>
            </blockquote>





	Hold Me Close When It's Over

Fitz rubbed his neck unintentionally and winced as his nails made contact with the burn marks that the nitrameme had left on his neck. 

It had been about an hour since they had returned to base and he had finally gotten out of debriefing, leaving Daisy behind to have a more in depth conversation with Coulson, while he made his way to the lab to find a first aid kit. While the liquid nitrogen had done it’s job in neutralizing the bomb on his neck, the liquid had still had ample time to give his skin quite a nasty chemical burn and he knew it needed to be treated.

The lab was empty at this hour, the lights dimmed but not completely dark in the glass room, as he made his way towards the first aid kit at the corner desk. Daisy had suggested he find Jemma and have her take a look at the burn but he was happy enough letting this incident fade away without her knowledge. 

He had just popped open the kit when he heard a voice behind him say “Fitz?”

Cursing quietly to himself he turned around to find the person he really didn’t want to see at the moment hovering in the door staring at him. 

“Hi, Jemma,” he said quickly, trying to shove the kit behind his back.

“What are you doing?” She questioned, coming up beside him and taking the open box from behind him “Did you get hurt while you were out with Daisy?”

He could hear the alarm in her voice and tried to angle himself away from her so she wouldn’t see the burn mark on his neck.

“Just a little scratch on my hand,” he lied, holding up his hand that did in fact have a small scratch on it “Just thought I’d put a plaster on it.”

Unfortunately, the movement of his arm had caused his collar to shift and he immediately felt Jemma’s eyes on his neck as she sucked in a sharp breath. 

“Fitz,” she said, her voice instantly transforming into what Fitz had mentally dubbed her Dr. Jemma Simmons voice “What is that?”

He reached up and tried to cover it, but he knew it was useless now that she had seen it. “Nothing, Jemma, it’s nothing.”

Jemma didn’t respond, just pulled out the chair from the desk and said “Sit”

At that point Fitz gave up fighting. The cat was already out of the bag. He might as well let her take care of it, after all she would just become more worried if she didn’t. 

Jemma, to his surprise, didn’t instantly reach for the first aid kit but instead walked across the lab to get her medical kit. She came back over to him and sat it down while saying “Shirt off, please.”

Fitz did as she asked, unbuttoning his shirt as she pulled over various pieces of equipment from her pack. Jemma reached over to turn on the desk lamp as he shrugged out of his sleeves and then turned back to him. 

Though she was completely in doctor mode at this point, he still shifted uncomfortably in his state of half dress before her and then cursed himself for it. She was a doctor treating his wound and he was getting flustered because she’d asked him to take his shirt off. It wasn’t exactly the first time she’d seen him shirtless - they had been friends for over 10 years - but it was the first time since the ocean, since Maveth, since everything. That made all the difference.

Jemma seemed impervious to the same brand of discomfort, however, as she reached down and turned his chair slightly so that she could better see his neck. 

She picked up one of the antiseptic wipes and began dabbed at the wound, causing Fitz to clench his jaw as a flash of pain went through him. 

“This is a chemical burn, Fitz,” she said, noting his reaction “How did this happen?”

“Nothing happened, Jemma I just-”

“I thought we had agreed to be honest with each other, Fitz” she snapped, causing him to blink in shock. 

Her normally soft brown eyes were like chips of amber as he met them and Fitz could see her anger boiling just under the surface of her composed exterior as she continued to work on his neck. 

“The Watchdogs. They have been experimenting with nitrameme,” he mumbled finally, looking away “They um, they shot me with with some of it.”

Jemma’s hands stilled against his neck as he continued “Daisy and I managed to neutralize it by freezing it off with some liquid nitrogen so it was fine but-”

“It was fine?” Fitz was started to hear Jemma’s voice crack as she spoke and he finally met her gaze again. To his surprise, her face had lost any sort of composure and he saw tears glitter in her eyes as she spoke. “You could have died, Fitz. You almost imploded and you weren’t even going to tell me?”

“Jemma, listen, it’s fine. Nothing happened, I’m fine!”

“Why didn't you tell me? Or call me? I could have helped you figure it out.” She demanded, taping down a bandage over his neck before stepping back. 

“I didn’t want to worry you,” he mumbled dropping his eyes from her face.

“Didn’t want to - Fitz, what do you think would have happened if you had died out there?”

When he didn’t respond she carried on “Every time you go out on a mission I just, God, Fitz I’m always worried about you out there. And after hearing about everything you did when I was on Maveth, it just makes it so much worse because I know how reckless you’ve been in the past.”

Fitz winced at her reference to his time spent searching for her. Though he hadn’t told her exactly what he had done, he knew Daisy, Bobbi, and no doubt Hunter had told her more than he would have liked her to know about exactly how dangerous some of those missions had been. 

He heard Jemma take a steadying breath and felt her hand on his jaw, forcing him to look at her. 

“You’ve got to stop ‘protecting’ me like this, Fitz. It just makes me worry even more when we’re not together and I don’t know how you think hearing that you almost died after the fact is at all better.” She held his gaze for a moment, eyes still shiny but steady “I thought we agreed to be honest with each other.”

“We did but it’s not like you’ve been exactly honest about what you were doing while I was gone yourself.” He snapped back before he could think about it.

Her brow wrinkled in confusion “What are you talking about?”

Without explaining, he picked up her right hand from where it was hanging at her side and opened the palm up for him.

“Blisters at the first and second joints of your index finger and on the heel of your hand.” He quickly formed her hand into the hold that she would need to get these blisters and said “Jemma, I make weapons for a living. I know when someone has been firing a gun.”

“Oh please Fitz, I was on a shooting range, that is nothing like-”

“But it doesn't matter Jemma!” He exclaimed, throwing up his hands a bit in frustration. “Guns are dangerous in any context, what if it had misfired or-”

“Oh, you are not trying to compare getting yourself almost blown up to me practicing in a controlled environment-”

“The point is, Jemma, we’re still keeping secrets from each other.” Fitz said, cutting her off. “Neither of us is being completely honest with each other and it’s an issue.”

Jemma took a deep breath and then nodded. “You’re right and I’m sorry that I didn’t tell you about my shooting lessons but that doesn't make you not telling me about today okay.”

She hesitated for a second before she reached out with a tentative hand and brushed her fingers over the bandage on his neck. “You said we still aren’t being completely honest with each other. So, I’m going to try.”

Before Fitz could answer, the hand on his neck reached up and buried itself in his hair and she was pulling him into her shoulder. Her other hand came up and snaked around his neck and he felt her face push into the top of his head. A bit thrown by the rapid change in her demeanor, he was even more shocked when he felt her shoulders shake a bit and a small drop of wetness fall into his hair. 

“Do you have any idea how precious you are to me, Fitz? How I would react if you died out there without telling me or letting me help you?” Her voice was muffled against him “I know that you lost me once Fitz, but I lost you too. Twice. I watched you sit, lifeless, for nine days after pulling you up from the bottom of the ocean after you gave your life up for mine. And then again, when I was taken to Maveth. I couldn't see a way back to you.”

She was crying in earnest now and Fitz couldn’t help himself from reaching his arms up and wrapping around her back, pulling her to him. 

“When that bottle shattered on Maveth I- I lost it, Fitz. Because I lost any hope of seeing you again and I couldn’t bear it. I couldn’t bear the thought of not spending each day of forever next to you and I still can’t.”

“Jemma,” he mumbled, tears coming into his own eyes at her confession. 

“I know you went through hell Fitz, and I regret every second I’ve ever hurt you but I swear to you, I’m going to spend the rest of my life making all of it up to you and trying to prove to you that you’re the most important person to me. Ever. And I swear, Leopold, if you cut my time with you short because you’re worried about ‘worrying’ me, I will never forgive you.”

Fitz smiled a little into her shoulder, amused that - even now -she was scolding him. He let his thumb stroke across her back then, feeling her relax a little under the familiar soothing motion.   
“So, next time, please tell me yourself. Please, Fitz.”

He nodded before saying, “I promise, Jemma. But you’ve also got to stop blaming yourself for everything, okay? You don’t have to carry the whole world on your shoulders, you’re not Atlas. It will crush you eventually.”

He felt her take a shuddering breath against him and her fingers tightened slightly in his hair. 

“I’ll try. But I also need you to stop throwing yourself in front of me every time you think I'm in danger.”

“Jemma-”

“No, Fitz, listen.” Jemma pulled back slightly so she could see his face, “The reason I'm training myself is so you don't have to worry about me anymore. Or at least you won’t have to worry as much. I can't cope with you almost dying over and over again because of me. That is the source of a lot of my guilt. And I couldn't-” her voice broke and a few tears came out of her eyes “I couldn't bear it if I was the reason you got yourself killed.”

Fitz met her eyes then, his own eyes filled with tears and he reached up to cup her cheek softly. 

“Okay. I'll try, and we’ll try to be more honest with each other, okay?” He waited for her nod before continuing. “And you’re right, it was dumb for me to try and keep things like that from you. You’re much too smart for me to try and fool you.”

He was rewarded by a small laugh from her and he could see the start of a smile in her lips as she spoke “Exactly. It only took you 10 years to figure that out.”

Fitz sighed, sinking back into her embrace and letting his eyes slide shut, as he relaxed for the first time in what felt like years. Her arms came back up and resumed their positions in his hair and he smiled. He and Jemma still had a long way to go but, for the moment, there was nowhere else in the entire world he would rather be. Chemical burn on his neck and all.

**Author's Note:**

> Title is from "Without You" by Oh Wonder. 
> 
> These two sillies need to have a conversation like this so badly and let's be honest, Fitz almost dying again without telling her is the perfect opening for that.


End file.
